My heart's flag is at half staff today: Remembering a Gentle Giant- Sir Edgar A. Mitchell Jr.

My heart's flag is flying at half staff today in honor of a general, a gentle giant who served family, friends, and community well- Sir Edgar Allan Mitchell Jr. My Edgar dear.

Today marks 4 years since the winter of grief came and harden the ground, brought frost and cold, and death to what we'd call our "normal". Many have said, winter will pass ... but it does so in its own time.
However in the midst of the cold, where advice and best practices for staying warm is not scarce; we- the kids and I, have had to learn for ourselves how to endure the cold season, how to still joy in cold of grief.

48 months since I've heard you call for me, "Rosy" in a tone that only your vocal cords could play... whether lovingly or disapprovingly. I chuckle now at the thought.

208 weeks since our family last saw you grace the doorways of our lives, calling for one or the other and distributing treats or the special finds from your daily adventures. You were always thought that way. Oh, how it would please me to see you with one of those many bouquets, you labeled - "just because " and looking so satisfied with yourself despite my reprimand of " not another bouquet, they die Edgar"

1,460 days since I felt your breath upon my cheek- right in that spot between upper cheekbone and ear- often whispering ... you know what you'd whisper or just to signal that you were close and I was still your girl

35,040 hours since I felt your hand leading me through life, with your wisdom, counsel, and cheer. Your obsession with thinking on things that were always true, pure, right, honorable... first of others- wanting to see the good in people and treat them the way you wanted to be treated. Bigger still, you called me to that standard.

2,102,400 minutes since I could run and tell you of my day, report on how things are changing or the ways we need to partner in encouraging, challenging or disciplining the kids. I miss our pillow talks and the fireproof wall you were in the dailies of life.

126,144,000 seconds have passed and no matter what our season or what the night was before the day, I could rely on your unfailing love, and faithful support. I could say of you, "I am proud to be his, and he is mine". In these precious moments, there's not one that elapses that your name doesn't resound. In these God-given seconds, there is always something to love you for, and thank God we had such a gift in you, Edgar.

Today, 4 years and counting since winter came, we wallow not in the steam room of discontent, self-pity or ingratitude. For while we remember you fondly, tearfully longingly, we acknowledge that God has also given us much to Rejoice over. Yes, time is flying by...too fast perhaps, but that too is grace. And still, I can scarcely believe it's been 4 years. My mind gets it, but my heart has not yet read the notice that you are not here...I pray it never does my evergreen love.

Nevertheless, winter is not all bad, it offers the ground an opportunity for rest and renewal, for as it does its purposed work, in the Spring, as ice begins to melt and the sun shines brighter longer, there is new sprouting everywhere and the air is filled with a new song. So our souls, my darling - winter is doing it purposeful work of bringing forth new sprouts for a fruitful tomorrow.

Psalm. 34: 18 The LORD is near the brokenhearted; he saves those crushed in spirit. Psalm 68:5 “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.” 

 Edgar Allan Mitchell Jr.

"Too well loved to be ever forgotten"